and this is love

susan and steph

newlyweds

the first dance

what a lovely weekend, o what lovely friends

an incident in my closet

this morning
i fell asleep
in my closet
while drying my hair

i was tired
and late for class

how is it that one should fall asleep to the deafening, hot roar of the hair dryer? I don't know, but it is. and if one were to replace the "creeping" of "The Yellow Wallpaper" with the "sleeping" of my closet, perhaps it would go like this...

"What is the matter?" "For God's sake, what are you doing!"

I kept on sleeping just the same, but I looked at him over my dream shoulder.

"I've got out of consciousness at last," said I, "in spite of you and Mute Math. And I've pulled off most of the reasoned intelligence, so you can't put me back!"

Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my pallet of laundry in the closet, so that I had to sleep over him every time!

sometimes
it's good
to win

new garden pics

ahhh...roses...water...hammock...

Okay, so I talked to Nathan and Jeff about my last post, and I am feeling a little better. Not that I am utterly convinced of things, but I have been swayed to the perspective that despite salvation status, there is always hope that those who have lost their vision will step into it once more. For now, I choose to hope for my friends.

I am doing a lot of that right now. I am hoping for my friends. And I am hoping for myself.

I have to believe that He sees my darkness
I have to believe that He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountains
It’s where my help comes from

He said that He’s forever faithful
He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
And if He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move Your mountain too

-Rita Springer

salvation...going...going...gone (?)

I know theology. Whether or not I've followed it perfectly at every moment my entire life, I was at least privy to constant study and discussion of theological matters.

Mark Fleming recently lent me the books Black, Red, and White. They are amazing, and ask my husband, I cried like a baby when reading them. But they definitely present a picture of not losing your salvation. Once you've washed in the lake of blood, your disease is washed off and you can never again "catch" the disease of the Horde.

And yet I'm not sure our reality works that way. My heart is heavy today for some of my friends...some of whom were once the most solid, passionate, faith-filled people I have ever been around. Today, they have abandoned their beliefs in a way that is defiant and blasphemous. I know some would say that "well, they must never have been saved in the first place." I think that's bull. I am certain they are/ were saved. They had washed in that lake, and it was evident. But somehow they are covered with the Horde's disease again (sorry for those of you haven't read the book; it just happens to redefine my religious language at the moment). Scripturally, I've never seen a clear picture of losing salvation, but in the reality of their lives, it seems so certain to me. Unless God saves us regardless of our defiantly turning our backs on Him and living lives that hate what He is about.

And I'd like to think that's how He works. But I wonder how that can be with a Holy God who puts so much emphasis on our willing hearts and personal choices.

nathan day and thumper

for sarah

i must admit
i like to collect your thoughts

store them up
like pennies in a lace sock from my childhood
in the jewelry drawer, dusty
in translucent warmth
in the heart of the oaken chest

you collect, too,
so maybe I don’t feel as obvious
you collect words, save them for the time
and then bring them out to play
whenever the poems have come over.

the poems never call before they come
i love their irreverence and disregard for the bell

when people ask you to do stuff that's an utter waste of time...

Plastic golden trophy
Sitting silent on my desk
They ask me to give thunder
To your simply sad “prowess”

I do not care to do so
That crew’s forever crass.
Have they not forgotten
I need to teach my class?!?