preface to braking

It's been a while since I've posted, but I've managed to get so caught up in life that I haven't taken the time to catch my thoughts on paper. Tonight, I feel like they were caught for me.

I can't sleep. I keep thinking I need to get more rest, but then I can't sleep. Over the past few weeks I have had an overwhelming desire to slow life down...I always seem to volunteer for everything, never saying no. Most of my friends have this problem as well. We live for activity and variety, energetic anti-boredom crusaders. I don't even like the word crusaders.

I want to spend more time with my husband...to really listen to him, not just to say what we need to in order to accomplish that day's tasks. I want to make a tent in my living room and hide out for a couple months. I want to be held upside down over little purple flowers until I laugh so hard I can't breathe...

just to
be
joy suspended
waiting
on
high air
breathing in
the moment
the arc
the swing
at zenith

Metallic Crunch

wow...two and a half years, and i am finally out of staples.

The Theology of Kurtis

Recently a friend of mine posted on an encounter he had with a man named Kurtis. You can find the full story here, but the gist of it is that Mike met a man who asked if he had cigarettes. Although Mike had none, he offered to buy the man some and then sat down and told him about Jesus.

Now, I imagine that had I heard this story years ago, I would have been shocked and quite offended. This past week, I decided I had been at least four very different people since I turned 16. The earliest of which was a rather religious, self-righteous girl. I grew up attending a Christian school that consistently preached the "evil sin" of smoking (and everything else). My initial self-righteous reaction to Mike's ministry (and I DO think this was ministry) would have been negative and condeming of Mike's actions. Who I am today (and I thank God He is changing me) realizes what Mike's heart and conscience and spirit and life were screaming: KNOWING JESUS is more important than discouraging smoking. If Kurtis finds God, the addiction can be kicked spiritually (which is much more effective than the patch).

I want my actions to loudly proclaim that knowing Jesus is more important than anything else. Change follows Christ, and He makes all things new. If I am not condemning or self-righteous, He can use me like He's using Mike to reach people who need Him most. He didn't come for the well but for the sick.

Don't aggrandize what I am saying. I'm not advocating a "let's buy cigarettes and pass them out with tracks printed on the packaging." I'm saying let's minister in a way that demonstrates the love of God. What happened to believing in the words of that old hymn that say "Come just as you are."

friends and promises